Yes, you heard it here first folks - unless you'd happened to visit mademan.com and reached that conclusion yourself.
Unfortunately I keep getting drawn to this heap o' shit because they advertise on one of my favourite comedy websites and, knowing I'm going to be annoyed or irritated, I can't help visiting.
One regular contributor - let's call him Jordan Harbinger, for 'tis his name - thinks he's the shit when it comes to instilling a sense of self. In fact he has all the intellectual prowess of any dip-shit self-obsessed salesman that I've ever met but, irritating prick as he is, it doesn't necessarily make him wrong. [If his take on the situation really is correct, then we are fucked as a race.]
Maybe it's an age you reach, maybe it's a state of mind - but one day you realise that you just couldn't bear going to the effort of meeting someone new. If serendipity drops a honey into your lap then whoop-de-doo, but I were ever in the unfortunate position of being single again, I'd say "fuck this". Fuck your games, fuck your flirty text messages, fuck your cheeseball advice on "Oh no! I don't know whether she enjoys sex or not?!". Fuck everything infact, because everything's already fucked, infuckt.
Thursday, 19 January 2012
Monday, 16 January 2012
Free censorship!
So, apparently there's a law in the United States that's got everyone's knickers in a twist. I've only just heard about it, but apparently it's called SOPA - the Stop Online Piracy Act - and is intended to... actually I don't know, because I can't be bothered to Google it.
One chap - who shall remain nameless lest I give him any further publicity - has uploaded a video to youtube in which he claims that the major media corporations are responsible for developing and distributing software that allows file sharing. He may have a point - hell, he might even be 100% correct - but here's the rub: The world is full of ranting conspiracy theorists who believe the US government is attempting to take over the internet - one more, no matter how well his evidence is supported, is going to be taken seriously.
There's also another point. The government doesn't want to take over the internet, for the following reasons:
1. It'd very, very difficult and the government really isn't that bright
2. They really can't be fucking bothered
One more question: At what point did people start becoming so chicken-shit? Here's a hypothetical conversation that probably wouldn't happen these days:
"Hey, you downloaded something illegally so now we will fine you $100m!"
"Oh, no problem - because I have $100m right in my back pocket. Oh no, sorry - it's actually my middle finger. Now fuck off."
When will people realise that laws become moot when everyone breaks them. Take the speed limit - if people wanted to raise the speed limit, all 90% of drivers would have to do is speed until they lost their licence. Suddenly everyone would lose their jobs and the subsequent loss of tax revenue would force a change in the law.
Not that I'm condoning people do that. Nor I'm condoning you don't do it either... Please, just go and think for yourselves based on the evidence in front of you.
One chap - who shall remain nameless lest I give him any further publicity - has uploaded a video to youtube in which he claims that the major media corporations are responsible for developing and distributing software that allows file sharing. He may have a point - hell, he might even be 100% correct - but here's the rub: The world is full of ranting conspiracy theorists who believe the US government is attempting to take over the internet - one more, no matter how well his evidence is supported, is going to be taken seriously.
There's also another point. The government doesn't want to take over the internet, for the following reasons:
1. It'd very, very difficult and the government really isn't that bright
2. They really can't be fucking bothered
One more question: At what point did people start becoming so chicken-shit? Here's a hypothetical conversation that probably wouldn't happen these days:
"Hey, you downloaded something illegally so now we will fine you $100m!"
"Oh, no problem - because I have $100m right in my back pocket. Oh no, sorry - it's actually my middle finger. Now fuck off."
When will people realise that laws become moot when everyone breaks them. Take the speed limit - if people wanted to raise the speed limit, all 90% of drivers would have to do is speed until they lost their licence. Suddenly everyone would lose their jobs and the subsequent loss of tax revenue would force a change in the law.
Not that I'm condoning people do that. Nor I'm condoning you don't do it either... Please, just go and think for yourselves based on the evidence in front of you.
Wednesday, 11 January 2012
The rub
There are many annoying things about being unemployed. The regular trip to the job centre, the form filling and the constant badgering by family and friends ("What is it you're looking for?" "Did you see this in the paper?" "How's the job search going" - "Really, thanks for your concern but it'd be much easier if you just FUCK OFF"). All tremendously irksome, but surely one of the most annoying aspects is showing enthusiasm for jobs one does not want.
I only have two modes - angry and dead. Having to try and pretend that I really want a career in retail (which I don't) or that I'm the only person good capable of doing it (which I'm not) goes beyond galling - it's downright confusing.
I've done enough recruitment to know that most entry-level roles can be done by most people. As long as your spelling's not too bad, your maths is acceptable and you're not a major-league asshole, it's largely a piece of piss. If only the rest of the world understood that.
I only have two modes - angry and dead. Having to try and pretend that I really want a career in retail (which I don't) or that I'm the only person good capable of doing it (which I'm not) goes beyond galling - it's downright confusing.
I've done enough recruitment to know that most entry-level roles can be done by most people. As long as your spelling's not too bad, your maths is acceptable and you're not a major-league asshole, it's largely a piece of piss. If only the rest of the world understood that.
Monday, 9 January 2012
Bag of shit website
Today's beef is with 'top ten' websites - you know the sort, cheap bags of shit covered with adverts for things to make you feel better about your pathetic life. Mostly drafted by drunk students or out-of-work journalists, they are one of the many festering turds the internet commonly deposits on our lives.
Some of them - though I'm buggered if I can remember which - are pretty funny. Some of them are like MSN.com, which lack anything in the way of originality or entertainment.
I came across one such site this morning called Mademan.com, which contained all the de rigueur shit, but one article in particular really got up my nose:
http://www.mademan.com/5-compliments-women-dont-hear-enough/
One particular piece of cunt-drool stands out:
"Compliments don’t come in short supply for most women. But, face it, quality compliments can be scarce. Maybe it’s the fragile male ego, or male insecurity that makes it so tough for many men to see women for what they really are, complex human beings with a lot to offer."
It's not that men are insecure or egotistic - we just don't care.
Even if you can get over the "Oh no, my boyfriend doesn't compliment me enough!" [Boo-hoo you whining bitch. Go slurp on a quim if it bothers you that much; no-one's making you stay here and make the place look untidy] crap, the actual suggestions are even more stupid:
1. Their brains
2. Personal achievement
3. Her style
4. The way she takes care of you
5. Her parenting
I've dated a few women and I can say for certain that complimenting a woman on one or two will sound utterly patronising; number three will make you sound gay, number four makes you a lazy pussy and number five will make her think you want a divorce.
So, in one fell swoop we have gone from "shit site dispensing obvious advice" to "shit site dispensing bad advice". Though anyone stupid enough to believe the shit growing in this festering garden of intelligence-cancer probably deserves everything they get.
Some of them - though I'm buggered if I can remember which - are pretty funny. Some of them are like MSN.com, which lack anything in the way of originality or entertainment.
I came across one such site this morning called Mademan.com, which contained all the de rigueur shit, but one article in particular really got up my nose:
http://www.mademan.com/5-compliments-women-dont-hear-enough/
One particular piece of cunt-drool stands out:
"Compliments don’t come in short supply for most women. But, face it, quality compliments can be scarce. Maybe it’s the fragile male ego, or male insecurity that makes it so tough for many men to see women for what they really are, complex human beings with a lot to offer."
It's not that men are insecure or egotistic - we just don't care.
Even if you can get over the "Oh no, my boyfriend doesn't compliment me enough!" [Boo-hoo you whining bitch. Go slurp on a quim if it bothers you that much; no-one's making you stay here and make the place look untidy] crap, the actual suggestions are even more stupid:
1. Their brains
2. Personal achievement
3. Her style
4. The way she takes care of you
5. Her parenting
I've dated a few women and I can say for certain that complimenting a woman on one or two will sound utterly patronising; number three will make you sound gay, number four makes you a lazy pussy and number five will make her think you want a divorce.
So, in one fell swoop we have gone from "shit site dispensing obvious advice" to "shit site dispensing bad advice". Though anyone stupid enough to believe the shit growing in this festering garden of intelligence-cancer probably deserves everything they get.
Tuesday, 3 January 2012
Why the left can go fuck itself
Regular readers of my blog - i.e. No one - will know that I can't stand left wingers, and this morning I saw something that went a long way to reinforce this belief:
Now, I actually find this quite funny - the slogan is pithy and, for a cartoon, the girl is hot enough to bang one out over. It does however make some assumptions that, in addition to being plain wrong, are also exceedingly arrogant.
The first is that there's some massive government conspiracy against the people. (Believe me, there really isn't. If you need further proof, take a look at the people in charge and ask yourself, honestly, if you think they're capable of coordinating a cross-generational international conspiracy.)
Second, that the public - especially right wingers - are either evil or dupes. It's like no-one can look at the arguments and come to the objective conclusion that right is "better" than left. No - if you choose to disagree with the tenets of socialism, you are to be pitied.
The final point I wish to challenge is the assumption that people aren't happy being controlled. Most people want to live their lives in peace and comfort. As long as there's gas in the tank and food in the fridge the rest of the world can go fuck itself - because humans are ultimately selfish, thoughtless beings. Is that wrong? Well that depends very much on your perspective - it's certainly not mine, but then not everyone is the same.
Now, I'm off to spank the monkey over that typist.
Now, I actually find this quite funny - the slogan is pithy and, for a cartoon, the girl is hot enough to bang one out over. It does however make some assumptions that, in addition to being plain wrong, are also exceedingly arrogant.
The first is that there's some massive government conspiracy against the people. (Believe me, there really isn't. If you need further proof, take a look at the people in charge and ask yourself, honestly, if you think they're capable of coordinating a cross-generational international conspiracy.)
Second, that the public - especially right wingers - are either evil or dupes. It's like no-one can look at the arguments and come to the objective conclusion that right is "better" than left. No - if you choose to disagree with the tenets of socialism, you are to be pitied.
The final point I wish to challenge is the assumption that people aren't happy being controlled. Most people want to live their lives in peace and comfort. As long as there's gas in the tank and food in the fridge the rest of the world can go fuck itself - because humans are ultimately selfish, thoughtless beings. Is that wrong? Well that depends very much on your perspective - it's certainly not mine, but then not everyone is the same.
Now, I'm off to spank the monkey over that typist.
Tuesday, 20 December 2011
King of the bullshit munchers
I love watching geeks ranting at eachother about the relevance and value of their shitty internet start-up, having failed to grasp the fundamental point:
A product or service is only worth what people are willing to pay for it, fucker.
How is Facebook valued at billions of dollars? If it disappeared tomorrow, would anyone give a shit by Christmas Day? Not fucking likely. Would the world suffer if Twitter were to disappear up its own anus? Pah.
There are three essential jobs - farmer, builder and water-carrier. Everything else is just a different shade of bullshit.
End of story.
A product or service is only worth what people are willing to pay for it, fucker.
How is Facebook valued at billions of dollars? If it disappeared tomorrow, would anyone give a shit by Christmas Day? Not fucking likely. Would the world suffer if Twitter were to disappear up its own anus? Pah.
There are three essential jobs - farmer, builder and water-carrier. Everything else is just a different shade of bullshit.
End of story.
Wednesday, 7 December 2011
Recruitment agencies are cunt-havens
I've had my fill of fucking recruitment agents today.
Most of them are too fucking retarded to do real jobs, but somehow still successfully manage to fuck my life about.
FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU RIGHT IN THE EAR.
Most of them are too fucking retarded to do real jobs, but somehow still successfully manage to fuck my life about.
FUCK YOU, FUCK YOU RIGHT IN THE EAR.
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